Day 3: Messing up on Day 2

Okay, so I already missed a day of blogging. This doesn’t bode well. But you know what? Every other time I’ve tried reading the Bible daily, I’ve missed the day and go to bed remembering that I should, but what’s the point? I’m just going to mess this up again.

But last night, as I got into bed, I thought, I can’t skip it! It’s not too late—the day isn’t done yet!

So I got the Bible out. And I read Psalm 130—crying to God from out of the depths. What a clear reminder of the gospel of Jesus Christ in this psalm: “If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness, that you may be feared” (v.3-4). There is other great stuff in this psalm, but God’s redemptive story is what stood out to me last night. In verse 8, God reaffirms that he will redeem His people from all iniquities. I don’t know about you, but I have a gazillion iniquities, and to be able to hope—to know—that God will forgive those through the blood of Jesus...It’s honestly unfathomable to me. I don’t think I truly grasp the greatness of my sin, and so I don’t really grasp the greatness of God’s forgiveness. It’s a reminder I need constantly.

So: the day wasn’t a waste!

Today I read a random and decided to read about the transfiguration in Mark 9. The part where Peter’s like, “Huh, this is weird...Hey Jesus, let’s build some tents” makes me kinda laugh every time I read it. God shows them that Jesus is the Son of Man, and when they come down from the mountain, they still don’t get it. I’m not judging the disciples, but I think they’re stupid when I read about how again and again they didn’t get what Jesus was saying and showing to them about his mission and who he was. How could they have lived with him, walked and talked with him, and not known what he was there for, and who he was?  But then I don’t get it either, and I know Jesus died on the cross and was resurrected. I have the whole story here in the Scriptures and I’m still horribly dense about it all, living like it doesn’t matter, asking stupid questions.

God, give me eyes to see what you have revealed of yourself in the Bible. 

Day 1: New Beginnings

I'm 30 today.

I know, for most of you, that's no big deal. I didn't think it would be either, but it's definitely jarring, recognizing my mortality and all that jazz.

Last week, an older woman from my church came to visit, originally about raising five-year-old girls with ten-year-old-girl attitudes. We ended up talking about my post-partum depression and what I'm doing about it. Am I exercising? Am I eating right? Am I reading God's Word? 

The answer to all of those questions was 'no', but the last ‘no’ became ‘mmm...not as much as I should be...’. I used to make reading the Bible a priority and it was sometimes a duty, often a joy. But somewhere in there, I stopped. It has been several years now since I’ve purposely, privately spent time with God daily. There's a dark spot of just sorrow in my heart; it goes with me wherever I am. I need to get rid of it! PPD doesn’t help things, but it’s not the only reason I’m sad. I've tried a lot of things to remedy my sadness over the years, except really going to God. 

Jesus said in Matthew 11:28, "Come to me, all who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Heavy-laden. That's totally me. And I'm tired. At any given moment, I feel physically tired, sometimes exhausted—I’ve got a newborn, so that’s normal. But I've realized that I'm always spiritually exhausted. I need to stop toiling and just rest! So I'm going to take God at His word. I'm going to come to Him this year.

This older woman is sending a book to me that will guide me through reading the Bible in one year, some parts more than once. This is my project: to read the Bible and reflect on it daily, finding ways to apply it to my life. This may seem old-hat for many Christians, but it’s something I find difficult to do, so I’m making it an actual project and hoping that this blog gives me some accountability. God’s Word doesn’t return void, so I know I’m in for some conviction and changes in the next year. It’s scary, but I’m ready for it. I'm awaiting the book in the mail later this week. But I thought that while I wait I would start this week in some Bible passages that I've found comforting in the past. I read Psalm 31. 

This is about God’s being David’s refuge and fortress, his protector. In verse 9 he says, “Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with grief.”  What’s David’s remedy to this sorrow? Trusting in God (v.14)! Why can he trust so boldly? “How great is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you” (v.19), “The Lord preserves the faithful” (v.23).  “Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord” (v.24). This was great to start with, a simple reminder—God keeps his promises, and he has goodness stored up for me, ready to share! If I hope in the Lord, I won’t be disappointed.

I’ve heard it often said that “Praying in God’s will is praying His promises back to Him.” This is what I want to fill my heart with: God’s promises. Then I can look forward to seeing them fulfilled. I think that’s where joy comes from. It’s a start, anyway.

So, it’s my prayer that, now, at 30, it’s not too late to call on God’s promises for sanctification and for joy. I’m counting on it!