Day 47: In the capable hands of God

Seventeen days between posts! Bad blogging habits! Oh well, this is not the most widely-read blog in the world. Last week I found out my son is losing weight. He's five months old, and should be 16 pounds by now, but he went from 13 pounds in October to 12 this month. It's been a bit hairy around here, having to feed him every 1-2 hours again. Blog posts have been pretty low-priority.

I would say that of the last seventeen days, I've missed four of Bible reading. I've been praying a lot more, usually in little prayers throughout the day rather than in dedicated prayer-time. Now, just as TV-tray eating isn't as good as a nice sit-down dinner, the same is for praying. But I'm getting there.

I have been reading the Psalms of Ascent and little snippets of Proverbs. How wonderful those psalms are, and just right for me at this moment! Despair and sadness permeate these psalms along with praise and encouragement, and although they are often about Israel's enemies, I'm just inserting my own fears and lack of faith into the 'foes' parts. They all encourage me to trust in the Lord. And I'm getting it.

I've been reading Trusting God by Jerry Bridges. What a great book that is helping me to understand how my place of adoption as a child of God means that all circumstances--again, all circumstances--are for God's glory and my good. Even the sucky parts of my day; even my hormonal mood swings; even my depression; even the trials of sharing my life with a man; even parenting a precocious girl and a spitty, fussy, weight-losing baby boy; even my difficulties in maintaining friendships....all of this is in His hands. And what hands those are. My God knows everything, He is right now sustaining and directing the course of all creation. And you know what? It's for my good! He means well for me. And if God's on my side, how can I come out of this with a loss?

So I'm still having my bad moments, but God really is working. He really is speaking to me in His Word. I feel His Spirit moving me to pray for others, for myself, to Him. I'm sure I haven't completely let go of myself, but I'm definitely loosing my grip on this world, my expectations and my insecurities so that I can cling to God instead. (I need to let go so that I can get a grip. Weird.)

So onward, through the upcoming days, the crazy, hectic, frenetic holidays. I'm in God's hands, and He loves me. I don't need to fear. Not one single thing.